Scene: Suburban house of middle class family. Interior hallway. Early evening around Christmas time.

Happy couple walk in with baby in arms. They put baby down and start to remove their coats and empty babys nursery bag. They take out artwork that baby has supposedly been making at nursery including close ups of a glittery star and babies footprint in paint that has been made to look like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. The couple coo over the artwork and smile inanely.

Cut to : Exterior shot of nursery school.
Subtitle: Earlier that day.

Scene: Interior of nursery with babies penned into a crib crying. Pull back to reveal…

Nursery nurses are lined up at a big table with bits of paper, cotton wool, glitter etc. As the camera pans slowly across the lineup you see that they are busy crudely making cards and paintings. One girl smears paint over a piece of paper and chucks some glitter on it while smoking a cigarette and letting the ash fall into the mound of glitter.

Finally we see one of the nurses with a small severed foot stamping out baby footprints onto sheets of coloured paper.

This starts a series of posts on the subject of ‘Amazing iPhone ideas I’ve had that other people have also had but subsequently built’.

#1 ‘Wake me!’ – this app will wake you up when you get to or within a certain predetermined area. A geo-alarm that uses GPS to pinpoint where you are. The user can choose locations on a map and set the alarm to go off when they get within a certain range. Ever wanted to sleep on the train but didn’t want to miss your stop? Set the alarm to go off when you reach the stop you need!

#2 ‘Ghost snapper’ – this app lets you overlay a ghostly image and take a picture of it to fool your friends into believing you’ve just unintentionally caught a ghoulie on film! Extrapolate this to include celebrities, UFO’s, aliens etc.

More ideas that other people have already had soon!

Standing on a packed commuter train hellbound for the smokey pit of despair that is London used to mean struggling to balance my laptop in one hand while fiddling with my 3G stick in the other. No more! Now I get to stand in the aisle rocking procariously sideways while my thumbs beat a little rhythm across the face of my iPhone while typing random, pointless blog posts.

Oh what joy to write these utterly meaningless words purely for the benefit of my brain so it can learn to finely tune the position of my thumbs on this keyboard.

I might insert a completely unrelated picture from my phone just to prove that I can … like a magician! Just grab an image and throw it onto the world for all to see! Wow! Ain’t modern life brilliant?!

I just received this Skype message …

____________________________________________________________________

Hello,

Email:[ george.abraham.private@gmail.com]

RE- TRANSFER OF THE SUM OF SEVENTING MILLION AND FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS OF LATE MICHAEL JACKSON ($17.5M)

I am George Abraham of First Gulf Bank United Arab Emirates (U.A.E) I want to
inform you about the deposited fund in a tune of ($17.5M) deposited by Late Michael Jackson in our bank and I happened to be his account officer here in First Gulf Bank (U.A.E) and I want you as a foreigner to help me receive this fund with due banking procedure which is 100% risk free and free from money Laundry and other illegal act. I am assuring you a good business once you follow my instruction and pay maximum attention to this business I tell you sky will be our limit.

All I need from you is total assurance that you will keep this deal highly confidential and secret between you and me, as you know that confidentiality is the key to the success of the business and again to avoid disclosing the business to any one due the huge amount of money that is involve, till your name been proper registered as the rightful beneficiary of the Late Michael Jackson.

I shall go into 50/50% sharing with you after a smooth and successful transfer of the fund to your safety provided bank account. It has been my dream to own my own company and thank God almighty that I have come across this fund and believe that you will assist me to achieve my dream.

You should not entertain any fear in this business, as I will get a good attorney here who will represent you to get all the back up documents in your name as the beneficiary of the fund and again you should not tell your bank about this fund, till lawyer mandate your full information as the Next of kin and get the approval document from Ministry of Finance here and ensure a successful transfer of the money to your bank, then our bank will give you go ahead order to tell your bank about the fund that is coming to their bank in your personal bank account.

If you are capable of this business deal, kindly contact me at my personal Email
:[ george.abraham.private@gmail.com]
to enable me give you more detail of the business for your better clarification, so that we can move to the next line of action and finalize the business within short period of time with out further delay.

I wait for your urgent reply soonest.

Regards,
Mr. George.

___________________________________________________________________

Surely an offer I can’t refuse!!!

I’ve been spending too much time twittering and having more babies with the baby maker (missus) and not enough time writing important, informative, intelligent blog posts. Well, I’m back and if you want to follow me on Twitter go for it … I’m close personal friends with all the twittering celebrities … if you don’t belive me look at my amazingly massive list of followees … me and Charlie Brooker are best mates … and Demi Moore is such a laugh!

My business Lyraspace has a new website and can also be ‘followed’ on Twitter for news and updates.

I’ll be back soon with some crap to post but in the meantime … check out Graham Linehan’s blog … it’s hilarious. He can also be followed on Twitter here.

Posted by mobile phone:
The problem with mobile blogging is that you don’t know what to write about on the M25. The Dartford crossing toll has gone up to 1.50 … bloody cheek!

As the weather has been getting better over the last few weeks I’ve taken to wearing my shorts and the obligatory ankle socks so I don’t look like a pensioner. Since wearing these ankle socks from M&S I’ve noticed something very strange.

You may be familiar with the a weird disorder called ‘Phantom Limb Syndrome’ which affects amputees and makes them ‘feel’ their missing limb as if it was still there. They get uncontrollable itches and unbearable pain as real as any able-bodied person may experience.

I’ve been getting a similar experience albeit without the pain or itching. For the last few weeks I’ve felt like my right foot has a sock on it; and it has, except this sock is long and is pulled right up past my ankle. I only get this feeling on my right leg and it wont go away. This is a phantom sock … can anyone help me?

I just read on the BBC News site that an Italian guy called Gabriele Paolini is being threatened with jail unless he stops hijacking live Italian TV link-ups …

While Mr Paolini has made a name for himself by bobbing about and generally disrupting reporters’ efforts to be serious, he is more than just an attention-seeker, says the BBC’s Mark Duff in Milan.

He calls himself the prophylactic prophet – not just because his antics often involve condoms, but because he sees his capers as a way of drawing attention to the plight of Aids sufferers.

It was the death of a friend from the disease which launched him on his career of disruption.

You can read more about Mr. Paolini’s exploits on his site and read the rest of the BBC News article here.

From his site you can link through to YouTube where he seems to have quite a following and also shares a name with a big body-builder.

Don’t you think he looks a bit like David Walliams off of the telly?

Finally, Photoshop Express has arrived with 2GB of space available if you want to pay for it. It’s only in Beta at the mo and has a warning that it may be slow for non-US residents, why this would be the case is unclear as it seemed to work fine for me here in London.

Following on from yesterdays post; I don’t think Picnik has anything to fear from PS-X (?) as it doesn’t have the ‘fun’ features that Picnik has although it does plug into your Flickr library as well.

Adobe have also released Premiere Express via partners like MTV but I’m unsure if there’ll be a stand-alone-browser version. Let’s hope so.

Let’s also hope Adobe release more browser-based apps like Illustrator Express and Dreamweaver Express perhaps. There’s no reason why not.